And then I didn’t know what to do with her when she made those doe eyes at me and said she was really, really, really looking forward to hanging out again. I can’t feel great about these stories since the experience for these ladies was probably not hugely validating.
And hey, maybe I was just flattering myself and they weren’t that into me either.
Or, 95.4% of the time, he’s just thinking, hey, there’s an outside chance I could get laid here. If you want steady boyfriend leading to marriage and 2.3 kids and he wants Wednesday Arm Candy #3, we have a mismatch.
There he was at the opera house, his head low and eyes up giving him that simultaneously worshipful and conspiratorial look, passing you a note saying, “Meet me at the fountain when the clock tower strikes nine.” There he was, texting you right back when you texted him, even asking you out on actual grown-up dates to actual grown-up places like concerts and lectures, and then… However, I do know that I have been that man many, many times.
It’s more accurate to attribute this kind of behavior to cluelessness rather than malice, with also makes it easier on you.
In the meantime, it still sucks to be on the receiving end.
Why waste time when a better match is around the corner? In every interaction, whether on phone, online or in person, keep in mind, “There’s a real human being on the other end, and a small but nonzero chance this guy/girl could be my future ex-spouse.” So be nice now, and pay attention. If you were to remember one of the Four Agreements from Don Miguel Ruiz’s Toltec wisdom, let it be #2: don’t take anything personally.
Therefore, in the early stages of courtship, people in this age of electronic dating are in Merciless Elimination Mode. With that out of the way, let’s talk about why guys go poof. Even if it is about you, thinking that it’s not about you keeps you saner in the long run. He’s bored, and he finds your company marginally more interesting than a night of Archer reruns.