Below are some tips I hope you will find helpful in finding a counselor who will offer you the validation and guidance you need and deserve. Read the book, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, by Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means.This will educate you on the sex-addiction induced trauma model. Ask if they use the term co-addict to label partners of sex addicts, especially before they have even met them.Symptoms of PTSD have been shown to mimic symptoms of co-addiction, but still most therapists are sticking to this outdated model which is doing great harm to partners.So does that mean there is no hope in finding a good counselor to help a woman whose world has been turned upside down by the discovery of her husband’s pornography or sexual addiction? But it may prove to be more challenging than it should be.Addicts should be taught how to empathize and support his traumatized wife.
Addicts will almost always continue to lie about past behaviors, even while in recovery, while promising you that you know everything, without a full clinical disclosure (therapist guided) with polygraph to motivate them to be completely honest.I get e-mails daily from women all over the world asking if I can refer them to a good sex addiction counselor in their area.Since they are asking me I know that means they have been to my website or read one of my articles and are looking for someone who will recognize and validate their trauma while not labeling them a “co-sex addict.” Helping people find good therapists could become a full time job for me.Many partners of addicts (such as drug addicts and alcoholics) do enable addictive behavior, turn a blind eye, allow their children to be put in harm’s way by not protecting them from the addict, etc. But most partners had no idea their spouse was a sex addict for many years.They may have sensed something was not right, but had no way to prove what it was.